We all know the dangers kids face when they spend too long online. Technology is addictive. Over-use increases the likelihood of social anxiety and other mental health disorders. Kids who spend too long online are less likely to become keen readers (and kids who read are often those who do best in school). When young people spend dozens of hours a week on their devices there is less time for genuine social bonds, family time, homework, hobbies, personal growth… the list goes on and on.
But how do you raise kids who have the ability to self-regulate time spent online? Here’s 6 tips to get you started…
Start early. Limit time spent on devices while your child is very young. Never use technology as a babysitter. Be a good role model for your child. Don’t be the parent who takes their child to the park only to sit on a bench with your phone: be the parent who plays! Just as importantly, educate your child about online safety well before they get online. Don’t assume this will happen in school – take control, and stay informed about the risks in an ever-changing world.
While you will eventually need to bow to pressure and arm your child with their own cell phone, delay this as long as you can. Eighth grade, if possible. Talk with your child about the importance of self regulation well before they have a phone of their own. If you are in touch with other parents at your child’s school, see if you can agree together to delay the point at which the kids receive smart phones. This results in reduced peer pressure.
From an early age, establish a place in your home where all devices are kept at night; a communal charging station. This should be a high-traffic area such as the family kitchen. As your child gets older, this will make it easier to establish a rule that no devices live in the bedrooms.
Continue to value family and shared social time as your child gets older. Never allow devices at the table when you eat. Insist your child puts their phone away during family time, or when you visit relatives and friends. Watch movies together, not just separately, on devices. Be a good role model: phones should live out of sight, not within inches of our fingers. Children should see a cell phone as a useful tool, not an essential appendage!
The most critical time for setting ground rules around technology is the time when you allow your child their own phone. Establish that their cell phone is a privilege not a right – and that it can be revoked if misused. As you set your own family rules around the use of technology, here are a few to consider. One: no devices in bedrooms. Two: a tech-free day a week. Three: you reserve the right to monitor their online presence at any time. Four: no use of devices after 10pm at night. Five: books and music are before-bed choices, not devices. When your child is asking about social media, set up their profile with them. Transparency means you can educate your child about risks and ensure their privacy settings are adequate.
Continue to discuss use of technology with your child as they get older. Invite them to look critically at all forms of technology and the reasons we use them. Ask them to discuss what they consider to be wise and unwise around the use of technology.
Overnight summer camp is one way to offer your child an extended break from their devices as they get older. We are raising a generation of young people who may never experience life away from technology unless we show them why it matters! Teens are not always good at self-regulation – which is why parents need to help. When your child is ready for overnight camp, look for a camp that limits or bans the use of cell phones – this is a vital experience to give you child no matter how reluctant they may seem at first. At Centauri Summer Arts Camp, we require all campers to hand in their phones on arrival – but ‘talk and text time’ is offered for 45 minutes every two or three days. It’s a tech detox – but one which still allows kids to stay connect to their online world in a limited way. Surprisingly, kids who initially see ’45 minutes every 2 days’ as too restrictive often choose not to take advantage of ‘talk and text time’ at all after the first few days of camp! Even the most tech-addicted teen will admit, at the end of two weeks, that camp is a welcome break from the heavy demands placed on them by a technological world.
Julie Hartley
Director
Centauri Arts
www.centauriartscamp.com